Thoughts on Mother, from the boys.

Ethan:
My mother has black hair
My mother is ____ years old
My mother's shoe size is _______.
My mother likes to work.
My mother is happy when I cooperate in school.
My mother is sad when I grow up.
The funniest thing I ever saw my mother do was act like a monkey.
The funniest thing I ever did with my mother was _____________.
I like when my mother _________for me.
I like to help for my mother.
My mother's favorite food is vegetables.
My mother does not like to eat candy.
If I could give my mother anything, I'd give her a hug and a kiss.
The first thing my mother does when she wakes up is take a shower.
I love when my mother squirts me with squirt guns.
I love my mother because she lets me play with squirt guns.
The color my mom likes best is burgundy.
Her favorite TV show is ________.
Her favorite scripture is _______.

Hunter:
My mother has black hair
My mother is 10 years old
My mother's shoe size is 23.
My mother likes to work on her computer.
My mother is happy when it's Mother's Day.
My mother is sad when it's Christmas.
The funniest thing I ever saw my mother do was do a funny face.
The funniest thing I ever did with my mother was go crazy.
I like when my mother makes food for me.
I like to make presents for my mother.
My mother's favorite food is potatoes.
My mother does not like to eat nothing.
If I could give my mother anything, I'd give her water.
The first thing my mother does when she wakes up is stretch and yawn.
I love when my mother draws chalk with me.
I love my mother because she's so nice.
The color my mom likes best is pink.
Her favorite TV show is some girl show.
Her favorite scripture is ones about the Holy Ghost.

A little dialog about my Mother's day (report) cards. (Hey, out of the mouths of babes you can learn quite a bit about yourself.) I can only figure that my favorite foods are vegetables and potatoes because they are the least favorite of the boys. I make such a big deal about how good they are and they should at least try them, it would only be a natural conclusion that they're my favorite.

I suppose it's a good thing that they perceive my favorite thing to do is work. One year I got a mother's day (report) card from Ethan that said, "All day my mother watches TV while I sleep" I was so indignant when I read it, "I do NOT watch TV all day" I would watch after they went to bed, which is probably were that came from.

"My mother is sad when I grow up." Ethan must notice when I get sentimental about how big he is getting. Sometimes in a silly mood I'll bring him on my lap and kiss him all over and call him "Baby Ethan" and cuddle him like a baby again. He likes it, but I see now that he gets what the underlying message is.

I laughed a great big belly laugh when I read, "act like a monkey". Guilty. I was in the kitchen and the boys were eating either breakfast or lunch. I don't remember what brought it on, but I did, in fact, act out a very good monkey.

Yes, I am happy when Ethan is cooperative with his lessons. He gets in moods that are quite impossible and it wears me a lot. I make sure to appreciate him A LOT when he's in the zone for making progress on his lessons.

The boys all just went to the Father's and Sons outing up in Lake Berryessa. I bought them a pair of cheap flashlights and some water guns for the annual water fight. They all run around getting dirty and wet...doing all those things that moms would frown on like peeing in the bushes and playing pranks and staying up WAY too late. Apparently the Bishop took his scuba gear and played lake monster for everyone who went out in the canoe. I imagine it's something like Lord of the Flies for a day. They all have great fun and when they get home it's a big pile of dirty wet clothes and dirty stinky boys. Elle and I had a nice girl's weekend with a picnic, bubble bath games and then she slept in my bed. Anyway, I suppose Ethan was super grateful that I got them the water guns so they could play with the rest of the boys.

Bubbly water is one of my favorite things. Ohhh it's SOOOO good! I got hooked when I was in the Canary Islands. So, it would only seem appropriate that if he could give me anything, Hunter would want to give me water.

get dressed. Get Dressed. GET DRESSED!

I know now why when their children are grown mothers are crazy. You all know what I'm talking about. We love our mothers but by the time we're all out of the house they've fallen off the edge of sanity.

Perhaps it's the constant repetition of simple requests that fall upon (seemingly) deaf ears.

Perhaps it's that they go where you are not so as to make their desired messes. "Mom's here! Switch rooms!"

Perhaps it's that whenever you are cooking dinner, it's a battle to cook dinner and shoo the children away from the fridge so as to protect the apatites, avoid the obstacle course being laid out by the littlest one or even that after the table is ready they don't want to eat all of a sudden only to come back at bed time saying they're starving to death.

Perhaps it's that when I give them different things for lunch they don't want what's been prepared for them. They both want what the other one has, but when the meals are switched before anybody has gotten their cooties on the food they whine that the want their original dish after all.

Maybe it's that after a full day of running around with the little darlings, bed time begins a two hour game of get out of bed which leaves mom without any time to wind down.

I could go on.

So I had an appointment with Hunter to be seen about the rash on his face that hasn't been getting any better. I told him a half hour in advance to get dressed. Crunch time arrived and he was still running around in pajamas and had no time to eat breakfast. I got him dressed myself and then after a successful shoe hunt... we had to go.

Trying not to be completely heartless, I made him a chocolate protein shake that he could drink in the car on the way in lieu of the breakfast he didn't have time for. However, much to my chagrin he liked it so much that his stomach got overfull and he had one of those bile-burps. Hunter has a very weak stomach. Anything could set him off. This did.

We're going down the freeway and Hunter starts throwing up all over himself. Which grosses him out more and more barfing ensues. I can't do a thing. I have no barf bucket (mental note) I have no change of clothes (another mental note). My one happy fact is that Hunter is wearing a zipped up raincoat which deflects the barf off of his shirt. His pants are a mess.

So we walked into Kaiser with Hunter covered from top to bottom in chocolate barf. It smelled more like barf than chocolate.

We got up to the window to get registered and the receptionist told me that our appointment was at 8:30 not 9:30.

No, no....She said that the 8:30 was gone and gave us 9:30.

"I'm sorry Ma'm. You're appointment was at 8:30. "

(Did I mention that I'm starting to develop an eye tick?)

"...I'll see if the doctor can fit you in."

We did see the doctor. Hunter's rash is highly contagious (oh fabulous) but we were given antibiotics for it.

It's not over yet....

I left the window down to air the stink out of the car, because the last thing I need is for Hunter to get in the car, get a good whiff and have a repeat performance.

It rained.

I forgot about the driver side window being down.

Being a trooper, the next time I had to go out I got a towel and a puddle pad and dealt with it. I couldn't really blame the children for this one. Not directly anyway.

I know now why mothers are nuts.