Monday, June 27, 2016
Saturday, June 25, 2016
First Youth Conference - Facebook 25 Jun 2016
It's Ethan's very first Youth conference and stake dance today! I'm super excited for him to get home so I can hear all about it! 😁 #riteofpassage #slowdown 😭
Learning Hebrew - Facebook 25 Jun 2016
My brother in law told me about duo-lingo, a free language leaning app/website. I'm learning Hebrew. Why? Because if I have to learn new words in another language I'd rather have to learn all new letters too! 😜
אני אישה. האמא אוהבת לחם וחלב
Friday, June 24, 2016
Monday, June 20, 2016
Shocking
At least it's not 6 months. But something is seriously wrong with these young men today. At least the six sons I have direct influence over will learn to be protectors and not predators.
Ex-Vanderbilt Football Player Found Guilty After Orchestrating and Recording the Gang Rape of His Own Girlfriend
Friday, June 17, 2016
Streaker - Facebook 17 Jun 2016
Peter decided to strip naked at the city pool today and come out of the women's bathroom parading past all of the lifeguards who were laughing at my little nudist. I grabbed up his clothes and ran to meet him. Once dressed in the bathrooms, he came out walking by them all again, who gave him great big smiles and thumbs up for having pants on this time. Oy vey! 😂
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Monday, June 13, 2016
A Simple Solution to the Problem
Saturday night a Muslim extremist gunman went into a gay nightclub and killed 49 people and injured 53 more. Social media is on fire with the story.
Internet outrage is exhausting. Particularly because even though the aftermath is always brutal and horrifying, the cries for change focus on the wrong root cause. It's not guns that kill people. Guns are a means; a tool. If guns were really the issue then you would have unmanned firearms leglessly walking into occupied areas, eyelessly aiming at innocent people and fingerlessly pulling their own triggers. It doesn't happen. Bombs, knifes, clubs and even airplanes must have, by requirement, a human element in order to kill people. People kill people.
We need more gun laws to stop the violence!!!
We do have a laws that would end the violence. Laws against 1st degree murder, second degree murder, homicide, man slaughter. But how about this one: Thou shalt not kill. Or this law: Love one another.
But that's too simple. I'd rather hate people who are too stupid to agree with me on political issues. I'd rather hate people who have values different than mine. I'd rather hate people who choose to live their lives, build their families, and contribute to the world in ways that I disagree with.
Stop it. Just stop.
But even if I love my neighbor, my neighbor isn't going to love me back. The violence will continue.
You're missing the point. If EVERYONE loved one another, the violence WOULD stop.
But to address the reality of the world we live in, there's a handy axiom for that too: Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. If only one gay patron had had a concealed carry permit, the man, who said to the 911 dispatcher, "I pledge allegiance to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi may God protect him [Arabic], on behalf of the Islamic State," would not have had a three hour opportunity for his killing spree.
And since we're talking about recent internet outrage, let's talk about Brock Turner. Love one another would have prevented that atrocity. Because, if he truly loved that girl he would have picked her up, carried her to her sister, called them both a taxi and made sure she got home safely to sleep off the alcohol. He wouldn't have taken pictures of her naked body and texted them to her friends. He wouldn't have taken her behind a dumpster. And he wouldn't have ruined his own life in the process.
There is a more specific law that addresses what he did: Do not commit adultery. In other words, do not have sex with anyone who is not your wife. Problem solved.
Not only would that law prevent rape, it would also prevent sexual trafficking and slavery, teenage pregnancy, the walk of shame, heartbreak, and a myriad of other problems.
You're so ignorant! Women are raped by their husbands all the time!
Yes, but the Love One Another law would avert that entirely. Universally husbands would be gentle, considerate, loving, generous and protective.
The truth is: there are sufficient laws to solve the world's problems. They are very simple. They do not take up entire libraries, nor do they require expensive degrees to understand. But since the origin of these laws have a religious background, they are rejected and often mocked.
Instead, the outraged masses want to pass more and more new laws that will accomplish the same thing as these few simple ones would. The problem isn't the lack of sufficient legislation. Despite laws people are still willing to choose horrible, destructive, hateful, and violent paths. There's a few simple names for that too: wickedness and sin.
GASP! You're judgmental! You're bigoted! You're racist!
Sigh. Those are the favorite rebuttals used to shut people up, aren't they. Except to state the facts at the beginning, I haven't said one word about a particular race or social group. I'm not even judging by my own standard.
People break laws all the time. Laws don't actually prevent anything. They only give teeth to society to punish criminals once the law has been broken. Until each individual is willing to write the law upon their own hearts and freely choose to keep it, the violence that we find so abhorrent will continue. Since society's laws are so voluminous and complicated, it might just be easier for everyone to go with the simpler ones I've already mentioned.
Change begins with each person. One at a time. Let's each choose a higher, simpler law: Love one another.
There's even a catchy tune for the marketing campaign:
As I have loved you,
Love one another.
This new commandment:
Love one another.
By this shall men know
Ye are my disciples,
If ye have love
One to another.
John 13:34
Friday, June 10, 2016
I am a Bear
I really thought about creating an entirely new blog to chronicle this incredibly vulnerable part of me, but for anyone who may stumble across this, maybe you do need to know that I'm a real person. With a family. With history.
Putting this on here after the baldness and stress posts makes me feel like I'm just a hot mess. It's all drama lately. But writing for me is therapy. And this for me is a start. So if you want to judge me or talk behind my back, well then your a crappy person and I don't like you.
Write out of the Darkness
I'm going to go curl up in a ball and cry now.
Putting this on here after the baldness and stress posts makes me feel like I'm just a hot mess. It's all drama lately. But writing for me is therapy. And this for me is a start. So if you want to judge me or talk behind my back, well then your a crappy person and I don't like you.
I'm going to go curl up in a ball and cry now.
Life Saving Tips for the Mother of a Big Family
This is really a breath of fresh air and just what I need! Even mothers without big families will benefit from this sage advice.
NORTORIOUS: Life Saving Tips for the Mother of a Big Family
1. Paper plates are life savers.
There are loads of articles that tell you the biggest predictor of happy, healthy children is eating dinner together. And I believe. This would be a dream if dinner came at 10:00AM. I would have the table set with china and candles. As it is, everyone is tired, hungry, stressed and busy at 6:00. So, if I can just do the dinner, not the hullabaloo, I congratulate myself as I put out the paper plates. Always remember your goal. Be clear about your goal and however you achieve it, be happy.
2. Self congratulation is key to mental health.
Women go from constant external congratulation to sitting at home doing loads of things for which no one ever compliments. We are really good at doing this to each other: Your hair is cute! Fabulous outfit! But no one compliments you on not screaming at that kid who deserves it. Or picking up that coat for the fourth time today. So this is when you must self congratulate. My, my my I did a great job making the bed. Yay for me for not screaming at husband for dropping socks there. Perfect this art. Additionally, you must be able to identify and ask when you need it from the kids and husband. I have no problem saying, Don't I look nice? Or I need you to say something nice to me. It's not that they aren't thinking it, they just don't think to say it. You're doing them a favor. Cue them to say the happy things. Everyone will be happier.
3. Sex
Do it often. It cleanses the palate. Do it when you don't feel like it. You never regret having sex. It doesn't always have to be magical. Think of it like food. Sometimes it's quick thrown together, sometimes it's slow and deliberate. There are always 100 things to do in a big family, make sure sex is on the top of the list.
4. Dates
This sometimes goes with #3, but not always. Every Friday Husband calls me up and asks me on a date. It's the time we have to decompress and be us again. Not Mom. Not Dad. Just Husband and Wife. Kids have to take turns babysitting. Teenager, I don't care if you're popular, tonight is your turn to support your parents. Find time to just be you guys.
5 Don't do it for them.
I am fast at almost everything and so it's really tempting for me to hurry and do that. It's faster than getting the kid to do it. But nothing makes a kid resent you more than indulging them. They feel better about themselves when they accomplish and are self-sufficient. I think some parents go too far the other direction, but for me, reminding myself of this is healthy. Sadly, the other prong of this fork is kids only work if you're working. You can't just say, go and do that (at least until they're about 10). You have to work beside them.
If something is ruined, goodbye. If it's delicate and shrinks, it doesn't belong in a big family. If it bleeds, it goes. I buy only the same kind of black socks for boys because they can wear them to church and school and they don't show dirt. Girl's it's only white. It's not worth even 5 minutes of my time to match socks and I refuse to cater to fancy socks. Garbage. Period. No guilt.
7. Bundles.
In our culture of amassing things, the things sometimes dictate our lives. My first question is how often do I want to do laundry? My answer is once a week. That means each child needs 8 sets of clothing (8 pairs of socks, pants, shirts). One for every day and one extra (you need 10 in the summer). The beauty of this is it forces kids to do laundry (they don't have an endless supply) and it's an easy amount to keep track of (purchase, wash, fold, put away). All the dirty clothing can fit in one basket and can be washed in ONE LOAD. I make sure the clothing specifically matches each other (bundle) or that everything matches everything.
8. Cute, clean kids are easier to love than ugly, dirty ones.
I learned this from Celia. When my toddler wouldn't stop messing and messing and crying and crying she said, "Go buy him a new outfit. You'll love him again." And guess what? It worked. Before you break up with your child, try new haircut, bath and clean clothes. Your love will be renewed.
9. Play = Messes.
Don't be offended when those kids play quietly and the result of said play is a giant mess. It's always a mess. I tell them they can only have two messes. It makes them feel like they're getting away with something. Before play (mess) #3 begins you must clean play (mess) #1 or play (mess) #2.
10. TV is the cleanest toy.
But realize that their brains don't work after TV. I take the amount of time they spent watching TV and cut it in half. That's how long I'm going to have to listen to, "I'm bored." They are bored. Their brains have shut off and they can't think of anything. Don't worry, wait the allotted time and brains will reboot.
11.Don't let go first.
Hugs really do work. Hugs help sad, mad, hurt. I decided long ago that you can hug me as long as you need to. My affection doesn't have a timer. Some kids it's long and some it's short. But I don't let go first.
12 Dads speak a different language.
I spent years puzzling over what Dad was saying to those kids. Certainly I could teach him how to say/do that differently (right). Just pay attention to how I do it and then you'll know. But then something quite unexpected happened, the kids responded to him. Happy, productive responses. You mean that whole time he was making sense to them? Okay so I don't speak Dad. Just because I don't speak it, doesn't mean it isn't valid or doing its job.
13. And speaking of Dads, wait for it.
Many moms make the giant mistake of marginalizing dads. In part because of #12 and in part because most dads are out of their depth with babies and toddlers. Moms start to exclude and marginalize at this point. Do Not Do This. By the time those kids are 13, they can't really hear you anymore. You become sort of static. But guess who they can hear? That's right, The Dad. Don't marginalize. Keep that secret weapon at the ready and confident. You're gonna need him.
It means you don't have to fight. But I did the dishes last time! Nevertheless . . . But that's not fair! Nevertheless . . .
In the world of moms there are a myriad of talents. Some are runners, some are cookers, some are bloggers (who appear to be good at everything). You do yourself no good compiling a list of every mom's talent and thinking that's where the bar is. That really great runner, sucks at cooking. That blogger hasn't had sex in 10 days. Free yourself from comparing. Realize there are seasons for things. When you have loads of busy kids and babies, that garden can happily grow weeds. Sometimes I say out loud, "I don't care about running; it's not my talent." Then I feel free.
16. I am not a buffet.
This goes with #15. As a mom, I'm really good at somethings and really terrible at others. I'm not a buffet of mothering wonderment. My mom was a wiz in the kitchen and horrifying every time she left her closet. Geez the absence of fashion. I realized I could get that from other women. Women generously nurture. Your kids will find the person who can share the thing you suck at. Be content being authentic.
17. And about those mom systems.
You will encounter dozens of mom systems (chore charts, reward systems, schedules) that seem like The Answer. Please remember every system requires a system manager. The system only works because the manager is managing. No system works on its own.
Clean makes everything feel better. If I feel out of control or can't get ahead I clean and sit and it's better. Temples are clean; that's why they work. I decide how frequently I am going to listen to those jobs nag me. Hi, I'm your dirty toilet, remember how much you like it when I'm clean? Come here. Spend time with me. I only listen to most jobs once a week. Then the rest of the week I can say to it, Not your turn. Wait til Monday. And the cool thing about jobs is they will wait. They will wait for stories, and for sleeping and for playing.
19. Stories, sleeping and playing are paramount to enjoying your roll as mother.
It's the fun and don't forget the fun. I am task oriented so I have to remind myself to have fun. Playing hooky from jobs is one of my favorite activities. Kid wants to see Avengers after school on Wednesday? Ok. That kid brings me a book in the middle of washing dishes? Yes. Because spending time with the kid means you love them. Recognize that.
Kids need both to feel loved. If a kid is riotous and rebellious, feed them and pet them. They will settle down. They are puppies. Especially those teenagers who don't get touched any more cause they're too big and look like adults. They're not. Think of them as really large toddlers. They need touch, sleep and food. Almost all problems can be solved by those things. (PS, This is true for husbands too. Sorry). The beautiful thing about this realization is it means I don't have to take that fit/tantrum/explosion personally. I replace that raging big person with the little person they used to be and think, What would I do for the toddler version of this person? I would calm, sit, read, feed, hug.
21, Agency is supreme.
You can make kids do stuff. Can. You can force them to obey. But if you do, you've lost the war. And really, you're in it for the war. If they have to fail to see the right, that's fair trade. No gloating. Just love and reinforcement. Failure is part of the deal. Failing classes, sports, friendships. You don't learn from the good stuff. Don't deprive them of the lesson. The lesson shapes the agency.
22. Follow through.
Every time you say something and don't follow through, you have to exactly follow through 4 times to regain credibility. They simply don't believe you if you don't follow through. So be careful what pops out in the heat of the moment. Every punishment for that kid is a punishment for you. You have to be there to enforce. Say what you mean. You may have to ask for a time out. There will be a punishment/consequence for this but I need a minute. Ask for help from Heavenly Father. Wait a beat, get the inspiration.
23. Don't forget the preteens.
Preteens are such easy children; it's tempting to forget them. They are independent and aren't plagued by hormones. It's tempting to let them alone. My grandmother Donna said If you bank the time with the preteens you can withdraw it when the kid is a teenager. She was right. I have shows we watch, trips we take, food we like. It's all banked to weather the teenage storm. It works.
24. You will fail.
It's going to happen. You will overreact, underreact, not react. Words will escape you when you didn't mean them to. Be quick to apologize. It means it's okay to make a mistake and sorry works. That may be the healthiest thing you can teach a kid. Kids are amazing forgivers; they always do this better than adults.
25. Lastly, this stage passes.
When the kids were all little and constantly testing gravity (does it break, does it sink, can I get her to fall), I was convinced they were there forever. But they grow. You will not like every stage. Some moms love babies, some teenagers and frankly some moms don't like either and are so relieved when their children are adults. It's all fine. And the reason it's fine is the stage passes. You're raising adults, not children. That's the process and the goal.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Frustrated - Facebook 07 Jun 2016
Facebook is not the place for thoughtful debate. Do not post dissenting thoughts. In fact, don't think at all. Just repost and let the news feed and public hysteria dictate your personal opinions on subject matter.
I was going to chime in on a recent event, but after being blocked by a friend today I've reconsidered saying anything controversial.At least I can engage with one friend without offense. Thank you Michael King. You always make it safe to speak up even when you disagree.
#NoOffenseIntended #Sheep #Frustrated
[Private Portion]
I lost a friend today because I responded to her highly charged recent events post with some unpopular positions. Let this be a warning: Don't share your opinion unless it's in lock step with the rest of the public at large. Or suck it up and stand for what's right, no matter who gets offended. You may not be engaged in a thoughtful debate but rather thrown under the bus and blocked. This is what's wrong with society. They want to have their amoral cake and eat the benefits of moral choices.
Keep your hypocritical righteous indignation.
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